Some days, I barely notice my disability at all. And then there are days like today….
I had to go to X city to get a part for the new stove. But I mixed up two roads and ended up in Q city instead, considerably lost. I got very upset and could not calm down. The carpenters/electricians were working at my house and I had given them directions to the home depot in the next town over. But when I gave directions, I mixed up my left and my right and they got totally lost and went, literally, 45 minutes out of their way. As a result of all of us getting totally lost, nobody was home when a woman came to pick up the old appliance I had sold on craigslist, and I got so hysterical it took me an hour to stop crying and left me with a massive headache, which I can’t take ibuprofen for because I’ve been taking too much of it. I have completely missed my window for a ‘break’, meaning that during my five hours of PCA’ing this afternoon I’m going to be really exhausted. I also have to come home to the fact that we won’t have a stove for three days, but due to my wonderful sensory problems, I require a stove to cook things for a healthy diet.
So. if you’re ever wondering how an ASD impacts an adult’s life on a day to day basis, this is it. It is when all the little things add up to one big crisis and you go over the edge, lose all control, lose the ability to be polite to the electrician, and also lose whatever credibility you had as a semi-independent young person. People who say they can’t tell, who say I’m doing so well – they never see me on days like this, when just one little thing can completely set me off.
-Ekie, 1 pm, Wednesday.
